Reverb 10: One Word

Prompt 1: Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you're choosing that word. Now imagine it's one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

Flux. Everything this year felt tentative and unsure. Wayland and I went through career changes that kicked off other changes in just about every area of our lives, and no lie, it’s been hard.

I think the thing is that we started the year in control – not exactly loving where we were in our lives, but dealing with the comfortable, regular, expected stuff. Then mid-year that all changed and I think that sense of control just kind of slipped out of our hands. The last half of the year, at least for me, has been spent first just letting all the control go, and in the last few months of 2010, working to grab it back.

I talk a big talk about dreaming little and focusing on what’s right in front of you – and I believe that’s important – but I think part of that was me struggling with the fact that I’m still not where I want to be in my life, and trying to be okay with that.

Well – not exactly. It’s a fine line between being happy with what you have and being complacent in it, I guess, and I think in the last half of the year I started drifting into that complacency, resting in something that feels (in retrospect) uncomfortably close to apathy.

I got a little jolt from reading Gwen Bell’s blog the other day, when she shared her systems, or processes, for creating goals/focus in her life:

“These systems allow me to be both connected to a vision greater than myself (a life of service) and the practicalities of modern life (rent's due on the last day of the month).

Life's not about lists and vision maps and goal setting. Although, as you see, I do all that.

I believe we all have systems in our lives from birth. Whether we're conscious of them or not. Nurses, and then our moms, put us on a feeding schedule. That's our first system.

Life's also about knowing when to drop the systems and the planning and be present. I believe well-oiled systems allow us to be present without that endless loop of aww dang I totally meant to...hmm? What were you saying!?

I'm sharing these systems in lieu of telling you about my goals for the year.

The truth is, although I have goals, those matter less than the systems that support them.

And the truth beyond that is the system matters less than the breath that supports it.”

It resonates, doesn’t it? The idea that we can have goals, big dreams, and create plans for achieving them, so that we can be happy and focused on the present? I’m starting to shift my view on this – that maybe the big dreams and goal-setting creates a kind of living, malleable framework for us to live within. It’s something to modify as we grow toward whatever that toward is for us.

So, as I consider what I want my word for be for 2011, I’m settling somewhere on clarifying. I’d like to have a clear vision for what I want in this life, and at least a certain solid idea of how to get there. I’d like to look back at this year and say: 2011 is the year I figured it out – how to dream big, how to make those dreams happen.

And though this is straying from the prompt a bit, I’d also like 2011 to be the year that I learn to get excited about life again. I want to believe that every day is something to be thrilled about, even if it is just a day of going to work, coming home, taking care of kids, going to bed. Maybe the second word I’m looking for is enchanting. I would love to be enchanted in 2011.