Plump grub in honeysuckle.

Letter to My Future Child

by Megan Amram

The way you don’t exist is remarkable
When I have been hotwired, cobbled from
Spongy tubes specifically to birth. At least to bud

Would be preferable, shedding a child
Like petals drooping from a center.
I apologize profusely to you,

But I am content in my selfishness and
My love of this girl I’ve created.
Today I watched the bees graze,

The perfect mix of threat and song and binge,
And I felt I, too, could bob and maneuver.
I guess they reminded me of you:

Your toddling bumble, your absent suckle,
Your mere addition to the swarm.
You would be a plump grub in honeysuckle

Were you to be anything, but you will not
Be. This is something I’ve decided.
There is only so much life to go around; I’ll take

Two rations. The petal and the pistil.
And, hey, the calyx. The ability to share is mythic,
Like you, and who needs another creature,

Another sea monster? I already have the
Swooping vertebrae of my back, I have my bones
Diving above and below my skin

Filled with just the right amount of people:
One. How could I bring a child into this world
When I want it all to myself?

Life is that right and full of love, flowers, et al.
I’m sorry for me, sure. But most of all, Little Bee,
I am sorry for you.


(poem found here)
("Plump grub in honeysuckle" is going to be one of those phrases from poetry that gets stuck in my head.)