The weight of something dazzling.

I see the word "stardust" somewhere and I want to write it. I want to scoop up handfuls of gold glitter and feel the weight of it in my hand before I toss it to the wind. I want to see the air shimmer. But the truth is I'm miles from stardust sitting at a desk in a basement, surrounded by stark white walls.

 I have told myself since the new year dawned that I will just try this year. And that's it. I have cataloged again and again over the course of last year where things feel like they are lacking. And I also spent the better part of last year just noticing that. Hey, wow, these things are just not working. The factors of my life are aligning in a displeasing way. Just look at that. With the kind of strange awed wonder that someone has when they're taking in an incomprehensible mess. It's the equivalent of being told to clean your terribly messy room when you're a kid. You just don't even know where to start. So you shut the door and pretend it's not there. Until your mom comes in. Hey, make the bed, she says, then pile stuff on there. Once your floor is clean, you'll feel better, and the mess is central there. Then you can start organizing. And that's what you do, and hey, she's right. That was easier than you thought it would be.

Working your way through a messy life is another story, of course. There's no tangible thing to look at, to organize. But the boiled-down message from my mom isn't really "start with the bed," it's just "jump in and do it, you have to start somewhere, just do it already." Jump. Start. Do.

And so I will let that be the tone for the year, and strike the word "hopefully" from that phrase because so much apathy rests in the idea of hopeful. Instead I'll suck in a breath and roll up my sleeves and just get started. From here the air is dry and plain and the walls are blah but action breeds miracles when you really take a close look. Action breeds miracles and there it is, and you do and do and do until you've got it, the stardust, the weight of something dazzling in your hands.